Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
