fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
