I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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