Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
