that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
