you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Randomize
