i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
