matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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