Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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