she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
