Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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