I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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