He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
