so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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