Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
