He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
