Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
