Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have demons in me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
