wrigley field is MILF paradise
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
