Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
