i may or may not be watching the land before time
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
