Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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