You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
