she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
