I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
