No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
