So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
