he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
