Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
