coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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