you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
