capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
