Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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