that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
