So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
