So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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