Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
