I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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