I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize