And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
