After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
