haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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