This is not my ceiling
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
