someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
