I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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