I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
