I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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