I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
