Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
