Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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