the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
