He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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