I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
