I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
