then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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