In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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