last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
