"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
