So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
