I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
