i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
