I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
