I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
