I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
