Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I color on your dick again?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
