I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
