Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize